In Defense of a Good Cry (Yes, Even the Ugly One)

We were at book club recently when one of the moms casually dropped a statement that rocked my nervous system. She said:
When you hand someone a tissue while they’re crying, you’re actually signaling that they need to stop crying.

Excuse me??? MIND. BLOWN.

She went on to say that good therapists always have tissues available—but they don’t hand them to you during a session. Because crying isn’t something to rush through or clean up. It’s something to move through. Wow. Wow. WOW.

Naturally, this is living rent-free in my head, so I did what any emotionally curious, slightly dramatic woman would do: I researched the science of crying! Don’t roll your eyes at me I love research….

And friends… crying is elite.

Let’s start with the basics. Crying helps your body self-soothe and relieve stress. Research shows that crying can activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the one responsible for calming you down, pulling you out of fight-or-flight, and bringing your body back to baseline. In other words, crying is your nervous system saying, “Girl, sit down.”

Emotional tears may also help flush out stress hormones and toxins. Which means crying is basically the very expensive lymphatic drainage massage you keep looking at booking… except this one is free and doesn’t require an appointment or a credit card.

Over time, crying can also improve mood and mental clarity. While the immediate effects vary, studies show that after some time passes, people often feel lighter, clearer, and more regulated.

That post-cry glow?
That’s not drama.
That’s science, baby.

And let’s talk chemistry for a moment (nerd, ready to shine). Emotional crying releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and endorphins (your body’s natural painkillers). This combo can reduce emotional and physical pain and boost your mood. For mothers—who are juggling invisible labor, emotional responsibility, and approximately one million tabs open in their brain—this matters.

Letting emotions out literally helps regulate your internal chemistry.

Also, side note: holding your crying baby? That’s basically a full-body emotional massage. You’re welcome. I just saved you money.

Now, this next part requires practice, because I am—by nature—a hide-in-the-closet-and-cry type of woman. I prefer my breakdowns private and contained.

However.

Crying also strengthens connection and support. Which is why I’ve been practicing crying in front of people lately. Mainly my husband and kids… but let’s be clear, some of these OC Black Moms have seen me cry too. I always feel bad afterward and apologize profusely, but honestly—that’s what you get for coming to our wonderful events. You might accidentally become my emotional support person. Sorry. Not sorry.

Crying isn’t just biological—it’s social. Tears are a nonverbal signal that says, “I need comfort. I need connection.” And guess what? That builds empathy and deeper bonds. Keeps y’all coming back, honestly.

So the next time I cry, I invite you to cry with me. We can be a mess together. In the corner. Snot everywhere.

Now listen—I understand why snot is involved. I know the science. But it’s still disgusting, and I will never fully accept it (tissue, sleeves, my husband’s shirts).

Psychological research also shows that repressive coping—aka stuffing your feelings down and “being strong”—is linked to worse health outcomes, including anxiety and high blood pressure. Emotional expression, like crying, is actually healthier in the long run. AMEN! Who needed to hear that?

So for anyone who believes crying is a sign of weakness:
It’s not.
It’s a sign of emotional processing.

And if you don’t believe me, believe science.

I know some of y’all are skeptics so here are a few articles you can explore when you’re ready to be emotionally evolved:

• Harvard Health — Is Crying Good for You?
• Cleveland Clinic — Why You May Feel Better After Crying
• Healthline — The Benefits of Crying
• Medical News Today — 8 Benefits of Crying

Read them. Cry about them. Heal a little.

And the next time someone hands you a tissue?
Take it when you’re ready.

Always Have, Always Will ~ Kalie